August 2nd, 2010
How do you love when you’ve lost your love? by Dr. Laurel Clark
This year will be ten years since my husband died. I waited quite awhile to find the man of my dreams. We were in our late 30’s when we married, and then he died only six years later from complications of juvenile diabetes.
For the first few years after his death, Valentine’s Day was a melancholy occasion. I was deeply in love with my husband, we were great friends, and I just missed him. I’d see commercials for all kinds of romantic get-togethers, flowers, chocolates, and be sad that I no longer had a sweetheart.
Now, I have a different perspective on all this. Romantic love is wonderful. I love being in love. But, I have discovered that in the absence of a lover in my life, I have become a much better lover of life. I have close friendships. I have students whom I deeply love. There are children in my life (not my own; children of close friends) who light up my life. I can be every bit as affectionate, playful, warm, and joyful with other people as I was with my husband.
I am coming to realize that love has many different facets and manifestations. In some ways, although it’s hard to admit, I think that having a one-on-one intimate relationship kept me from being as free and open with my love as I have discovered I can be. I’m not talking about the “free love” of the 1960’s. I’m talking about being open, genuine, loving, and warm with every soul I meet.
Love isn’t attached to any one person. It lives inside of us. Sometimes romantic love becomes conditional: “I love you because you make me feel good.” “I love you because you do nice things for me.” Perhaps the sense of loss of that “special someone” can open doors to understanding universal love, agape. This is a love that is spiritual, not sexual. A love that says “I love you just because you are.”
I am grateful for the time I had with my husband, and I am grateful for understanding that the more I love, the more love I have.
AUTHORS BIO: Dr. Laurel Clark is a teacher of metaphysics, a counselor, interfaith minister and author. Some of her books are The Law of Attraction and Other Secrets of Visualization and Dharma: Finding Your Soul’s Purpose. She has develop a seminar on relationships and communication called The Power of Personal Connection for business, professional, civic, and social groups. Laurel can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or www.som.org.
EmbracingMyJourney L.L.C. was created by Caryn FitzGerald in 2008.
Caryn, known as "The Manifesting Queen" is a motivational columnist, speaker and writer, she has been featured in and published several books, including "Tulips In The Sand" "Fish Sticks, Books and Blue Jeans" “Manifest Success” “Visual Arts Junction Interviews” & “Online Marketing Success Stories..."
Caryn is a domestic violence survivor who has triumphed over a 10-year battle with anorexia and bulimia. She is a wife, mother, healthy-aging-specialist, writer, speaker, blogger, coach and a health food enthusiast Click to connect with Caryn at her website
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